Revealing
How do I write something so know its me
More subtle than rap but more raw than poetry
Woe is me
Hopefully I can make you understand an anecdote
But its highly unlikely unless you got the green I smoke
Damn my throat
It never seems to pick the right words
I'm doing better than most life better grade on a curve
It's too absurd
Bound to characters we create
Blind to Alpha & Omega between space
I find Nemo
5 comments:
I read this poem along to a rhythm in my head, sort of. It flowed really well. The whole poem read in a stream of conscious sort of way, like you just wrote what you were thinking. And I liked that you wrote about writing.
I got lost at the end because the rhythm of the poem was interrupted. Although I found the ending nice, I had overlook the loss of cadence to appreciate it.
The first time I read this poem the missing punctuation tripped me up a bit. I found the rhythm by reading it again. I really liked the lines "Damn my throat It never seems to pick the right words" as one usually associates the mind with choosing our words.
I hate you
How do I write something so know its me
I was just wondering if there was a word missing some where in there. It just didnt seem to read correctly to me.
Also, the lines:
Hopefully I can make you understand an anecdote
But its highly unlikely unless you got the green I smoke
felt like the way the second sentence was phrased a little forced so that it would rhyme with the line before it. I get the feeling that if you weren't trying to rhyme smoke with anecdote, you probably wouldn't have worded it the way you did.
The highlight of the poem was
It never seems to pick the right words
I'm doing better than most life better grade on a curve
Both of those lines were strong and convey a meaning that goes beyond the words on the page. So nicely done with that. I think you have a great flare as a lyricist and if you could polish your style a little more, you would really have somehting.
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